


left hanging

by annella_grace



Series: Hangman verse [4]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Homophobic Language, I needed a bad guy, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, sorry to all the kavinsky fans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annella_grace/pseuds/annella_grace
Summary: Ronan and Kavinsky get into a fight. Ronan goes missing. Adam worries.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Series: Hangman verse [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706257
Kudos: 42





	left hanging

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read this if you are a fan of Joseph Kavinsky. I used these characters to work out some of my own issues. there is some mild angst, and some triggery moments. there is a panic attack blink and you miss it but its there. if there are any other tags or warnings i forgot please tell me. thanks for reading.

Joseph Kavinsky was a real piece of work. His only friends were more like lackeys, other snobby rich kids. Blue liked to refer to them as the stereotypical Aglionby douches. During freshman year, right after Ronan’s parents died, Kavinsky and Ronan had gotten close. Gansey hated it. There were rumors that Kavinsky and Lynch had been more than friends. Adam never put much stock in those rumors, but now that he and Ronan were dating, it gave him pause.  
School was starting back in less than a week. Ronan was on his way over to Adam’s apartment to talk about what they were going to do. Ronan was willing to keep their relationship a secret. Adam wanted to be open, especially for Ronan because he didn’t want Ronan to feel like he was ashamed. He was also afraid though, of the ridicule, of people looking at him and whispering. He thought that would be all behind him now that he wasn’t showing up at school with bruises, gifts from his father.  
Earlier that day, Adam had run into Kavinsky at the gas station when he was filling up the shitbox. It had been an altogether unpleasant affair. Kavinsky had uncharacteristically been alone.  
“Parrish is this your car?” K had asked obnoxiously  
Adam had just nodded. “Real piece of shit isn’t it?” K asked as he leaned up against the gas pump. Adam didn’t say a word.  
“Haven’t seen Lynch around lately. We used to have a lot of fun.” K wiggled his eyebrows at Adam, as if his meaning wasn’t clear. Adam saw red, he clenched his fist in his pocket and tried to stay calm.  
“yeah well, Lynch used to do a lot of things he doesn’t anymore. “ Adam said as the pump cut off. He put the nozzle back and moved to get in his car to leave. Kavinsky blocked his path.  
“Lynch’ll come back. He always does. Later Parrish” K left with a wink, making sure to bump rather hard into Adam's shoulder.

Adam was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Ronan knocking on his door.  
He wiped off his sweaty palms. “stop being nervous. It’s just Lynch” he muttered to himself. He opened the door to see Ronan leaning against the stair railing, looking like every wet dream Adam had ever had. Black skinny jeans, leather jacket, raven on his shoulder, Adam’s mouth watered just looking at him. Judging by the smirk he was sporting, Ronan knew the effect he was having. “Gonna let me in Parrish?” Ronan asked, tilting his head and looking very much like the bird on his shoulder. Adam swallowed and moved to the side to let him in.  
Things usually weren’t strained or awkward with them but today was different. They hadn’t really talked about labels, what they wanted out of things, how they wanted to handle it now that school was back. His run in with Kavinsky had given Adam a lot of insecurities and now that Ronan was here, he wasn’t sure how to voice them without it turning into a fight.  
“stop thinking so hard, you’re giving me a headache just looking at you. “ Ronan crossed the room and pulled Adam into a hug. Adam sighed in relief for a moment before pulling back to look at Ronan.  
“ Ran into Kavinsky today at the gas station. I think he was looking for you.” Adam turned and walked to his bed to sit down. Ronan stayed still for a moment before following and plopping down on the bed next to him. Ronan sprawled out with his hands behind his head as Chainsaw flew to perch by the small window in Adam’s apartment.  
“Who gives a flying shit what K wants.” Ronan reached out to run his hand across Adam’s shoulders, trying to ease the tension he could see there. Adam turned to face him, knocking his hand out of the way. He couldn’t explain why, but he was suddenly very angry.  
“Well apparently you used to give a flying shit about him and what he wanted.” Adam huffed angrily, looking anywhere but at Ronan’s eyes.  
Ronan sat up abruptly and cupped Adam’s face forcing him to make eye contact.  
“If I didn’t know any better I’d think that was jealousy Parrish. “ Adam tried to pull away, but Ronan wouldn’t let him. Usually Adam liked that Ronan wasn’t gentle with him but right now he was too pissed off and too embarrassed.  
“let go Lynch.”  
“No. I don’t think I will. I think it’s cute you’re jealous.” Ronan punctuated that statement by kissing the tip of Adam’s nose. Adam went cross-eyed looking at him. Ronan slid his hands to Adam’s shoulder and bent his head, so they were eye level.  
“Whatever me and Kavinsky were, we haven’t been for a long time. Don’t let him get to you because I can promise you there is nothing between me and Joseph fucking Kavinsky. The only person I want to be around is you. “ Here Ronan pulled back and scratched his buzzed head, blush high on his cheeks. When he made eye contact with Adam again, the look he leveled at him took Adam’s breath away. Never had anyone ever looked at him like that. “ You’re kinda it for me Parrish, if it wasn’t obvious before.”  
Adam opened and closed his mouth several times before he just lunged at Ronan, pinning him to the bed and swallowing his exclamation with a kiss. When they came back up for air, both panting heavily, Adam whispered, “you’re kinda it for me too Lynch.”  
“So… do I get to hold your hand at school and tell everyone you’re my boyfriend or what?” Lynch asked faux casually. Adam smiled at him brightly and Ronan realized he would do anything to keep Adam smiling like that. “I think that can be arranged Lynch.” Adam said this last part against Ronan’s lips before kissing him again. Neither one of them said anything else for quite some time after that, their mouths otherwise occupied.

School started back up and Adam was too busy to be jealous or to care what his classmates thought of his new relationship. Sure, he noticed the stares and whispers, but no one was brave enough to actually say anything to him. Adam wasn’t sure if it was out of fear of Ronan or respect for Gansey, but he was grateful for it all the same. Between classes and work, Adam had barely any spare time and most of it was spent with his friends or studying, so the few precious moments of alone time he spent with Ronan were cherished and planned out with great care. Adam had a rare night off and had spent the first few hours after school with Gansey, Henry, and Blue, studying at Monmouth. Ronan and Noah had gone to a skate park. Any minute now they were due to be back, and as Gansey had put it, “probably with more bruises than when they had left.”  
Henry was heading home, and Gansey was taking Blue out for a dinner date.  
“you sure you don’t want to come with us, Adam?” Blue had asked tentatively.  
“nah, you guys go ahead, Lynch and I have plans.”  
That had been about 45 minutes ago, Noah and Ronan hadn’t returned yet. Adam texted Noah again, knowing full well that his wayward boyfriend had left his phone in his room.  
‘hey, are y’all on your way back yet?  
The text showed that it had been read but Noah had yet to respond. Adam was just about to text again when his phone rang. Seeing that it was Noah, he picked it up on the first ring.  
“hey”  
“Adam….hey… uh... so don’t get mad, but….”  
“What happened.” Adam was already grabbing his stuff to head to his car.  
“We were hanging at the park, goofing off like we normally do when K and his cronies showed up. Ronan and Kavinsky got into it and then Kavinsky challenged Ronan to a race and they both sped off. I don’t know where they went. I waited around but neither of them came back so I hitched a ride with some guys I know from the park. I’m almost back to Monmouth. Look, Adam just wait for me to get back and I’ll go look for him with you ok?”  
Adam was having an internal dilemma. He trusted Ronan, but the nagging voice in the back of his head just wouldn’t stop. He hung up without saying anything. He considered leaving but didn’t trust himself to drive home at that particular moment.  
‘what if he got in a wreck?’  
‘where would he go?’  
‘why would he just leave Noah like that?’  
‘He says him and Kavinsky aren’t anything to each other, but he ditches Noah and stands me up to go off and race with him?’  
Adam couldn’t stop his racing thoughts. One after another, scenario after scenario, playing through his head at double speed, each more painful than the last. He didn’t even register Noah coming in until he felt a hand on his back.  
“Breathe. Just breathe Adam. In and out. Copy me see….in…….out…….in……out…….that’s it….”  
Noah voice was soothing. Adam hadn’t even realized he was having a panic attack. It had been so long since he had one, not since the trailer. Once he was calm again, he muttered a thanks to Noah.  
“I’m sure Lynch is fine. You know how he gets. Do you want me to call Gansey and Blue?” Noah was already taking out his phone.  
“no don’t ruin their date night just cause Lynch has decided to be an asshole.” Adam got up and went to the kitchen/laundry/bathroom to get a glass of water. He stood at the sink afraid to face Noah. Afraid that Noah would see his thoughts written across his face.  
“Gansey would want to know man. The last time Ronan went off with Kavinsky it didn’t end well.” Adam turned at that with a questioning look.  
“Ronan probably wouldn’t want me to tell you this, but Kavinsky slipped something into his drink. They were at a party and Lynch tried to leave not knowing he had been drugged. He almost crashed the BMW. It was right after his dad died. He was always drinking, and fighting, and racing. We hated it but the more we tried to help, the further we ended up pushing him towards K.” Noah ran a hand through his pale hair. Adam sat on the couch next to him.  
“what happened?”, Adam asked.  
“Gansey found him. Declan had pinged his cellphone trying to find him. They brought him to the hospital. He had to have his stomach pumped. It was the final nail in the coffin so to speak. What finally got him to stay the hell away from Joseph Kavinsky and his band of merry fuck ups.” Noah was looking at his hands as he voiced the very thought Adam was trying to avoid thinking, “I just don’t get why he let Kavinsky get to him. Why he raced off with him instead of just ignoring him like he has been doing.”  
“What set him off? What did Kavinsky say to him to get him so riled up?”  
At this Noah looked shifty, like he was afraid to tell Adam. “he…ugh…well you see, Kavinksy may have called Ronan….well he called Ronan a faggot and then started in on you being trailer trash and said some pretty nasty things, insinuating a bunch of bullshit about you and Ronan’s relationship and he even brought Gansey into it. “  
Adam clenched his jaw and his fist, fury coursing through his veins. Noah continued, turning to face Adam fully on the sofa,”Kavinsky has always been jealous of Gansey. He used to call Ronan his lapdog and make all kinds of fucked up jokes about what Ronan and Gansey are to each other. Ronan usually just flips him off or ignores him. That’s why it was so weird today. He challenged K to a fucking fist fight.” Noah laughed in a hysterical sort of way, gripping his hair again. “I mean Kavinsky made some lame comeback about fighting it out on the streets and then they just took off racing each other. It was so stupid. “ Noah shook his head and looked at Adam again.  
“You’re right. It was stupid. And now he is off who knows where with fucking Kavinksy of all people and without his cellphone this time. It’s turned off, probably not even charged sitting in his bedroom.” Adam gestured behind him towards Ronan’s door, covered in his speeding tickets, like that was a reminder Adam needed right now, Ronan’s reckless driving.  
Adam sighed. “You might as well call Gansey. We are probably going to need him.”  
Noah nodded before he got up and went to his room, calling Gansey on the way. Adam debated calling Declan before deciding against it. He would involve the older Lynch once he knew more or let Gansey handle Declan. Getting up he went to Ronan’s room. He quickly found the phone and plugged it into the charger. Waiting for it to boot up, he looked around his boyfriend and best friend’s room, hoping something would jump out at him letting him know where Ronan might be. Once the phone was turned on, he scrolled through the text messages looking for Kavinsky. Ronan rarely saved anyone’s number, but there was a string of unanswered and unread texts from an unknown number going back months all the way up to a few days ago. Judging by the content, Adam knew it was Kavinsky’s number.  
Noah knocked on the door, “Gansey and Blue are gonna go check the Barns. Wanna go check the church?”  
Adam nodded. He showed Noah the number on the phone. “Oh. Good idea. As much as I’d rather avoid it we might have to contact Kavinsky. Oh wait!” Noah snapped his fingers and quickly fished out his own phone. “Cheng can contact Kavinsky for us while we go to the church. If anyone can weasel information out of someone without them realizing it, it’s Henry.” Noah said all this while furiously texting Henry, he put out his hand for Adam to hand him Ronan’s phone. Adam grabbed his keys and they headed off to St. Agnes.  
In the end, they found him in the chapel of the church, sitting in a back pew. Noah made sure that Ronan was alright and not in need of any serious medical attention before leaving the two alone to go call their friends. Gansey would be relieved. Adam was not. They always fought. Before they were really friends, while they were really friends, but since this thing between them had started being romantic, they had yet to have one of their infamous knockdown drag outs. Adam could tell from looking at Ronan, this was going to be the first.  
“You going to say anything Parrish or just stand there gawking?” Ronan had his head tilted back against the pew, his eyes closed, his hands clasped in front of him on his knees. His boots, which were crossed at the ankle, were caked with mud. Adam could see blood on his knuckles and several cuts and bruises along his jaw and temple. Ronan didn’t open his eyes and Adam responded with the only thing he could think to ask.  
“Where’s Chainsaw?”, at this Ronan cracked open one eye.  
“Where’s Chainsaw?!” Ronan asked incredulously. “You ask me where the fucking bird is. Un-fucking-believable. Jesus Mary FUCK!” Ronan sat up and held his shaved head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees for a second.  
“I screwed up.” Ronan mumbled through his hands.  
“What was that?” Adam asked, slowly taking a step closer to where Ronan sat.  
“I said I SCREWED UP!” Ronan yelled and stood up so fast Adam flinched. It was the wrong thing to do. Ronan’s face closed off, he looked murderous.  
Adam swallowed down his fear and the flashbacks of his father and tentatively put a hand on Ronan’s arm. Ronan stilled. He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t look at Adam either. Adam put his hand down slowly and sighed.  
“How did you screw up, Lynch?” he asked quietly. Everything echoed and sounded louder in the dark empty church. Ronan didn’t say anything for a while, just stared down at his shoes. Adam sat on the pew Ronan had just vacated and patted the seat next to him. Ronan hesitated for only a moment before he too sat down. Ronan opened his mouth only to close it several times without speaking. Adam knew better than to tell him to just spit it out. So they waited, as the minutes ticked by, until finally Ronan said, “I’m sure Czerny already told you. Nosy bastard. Kavinsky was at the skate park and he…well he said some things. Really fucked up stupid things that pissed me the fuck off.” Ronan leaned forward, eyes unfocused staring off in the darkness, chin resting on his hands, elbows resting on his knees. Looking at him, you would almost think he was sat in prayer.  
“Noah told me what he said. Are you ok?” Adam asked, Ronan didn’t answer. Adam sighed again and changed tactics. So far, they hadn’t really yelled or fought. “Whose blood is that on your knuckles Ronan?” Adam’s voice was soft but stern.  
“Fucking who’s do you think?” Ronan leaned back again. “He pissed me off. We raced. I beat him. He said I cheated, and we fought. He kept calling me names and talking shit, so I broke his stupid fucking jaw.” Ronan lolled his head to the side, resting against the back of the pew to finally make eye contact with Ronan. “Funny thing is, “ Ronan continued,” is that he seemed to think Gansey and I were dating or some shit.”  
At this Adam quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah I know, Jesus Fuck is K out of touch man.”  
Adam felt both calm enough and brave enough now to say what had been on his mind. “Why do you let him get to you so much. Is what he thinks and says really all that important to you?  
Ronan was quiet for a moment. “it used to. We weren’t…he and I were never. I mean I didn’t like him like that. I know he felt that way about me but I just. Ugh” Ronan heaved a heavy sigh before turning to look Adam in the eye.  
“My parents had just died when I met him for the first time. I wasn’t in a great place mentally and I….Gansey was just too much to be around. Declan and I fought worse than we do now. Kavinsky was there and he… I don’t know distracted me I guess? And when things got weird I stopped hanging out with him. I knew he was bad for me…toxic Gansey would say. I just needed to decide that for myself. K thinks that Gansey and I ….” He trailed off and made a rude gesture with his hand, but Adam got what he meant. “I…. Gansey is more like a brother to me than Declan half the time. But, Kavinsky has always been jealous of Dick for some fucking reason. I know we were supposed to have our date tonight, but I just kept thinking about all the shit Kavinsky was fucking saying being directed at you and I just…. I lost it. Usually I just shrug him off or ignore him but the ….”Ronan’s voice cracked, and his fists clenched, he looked away from Adam again. “the thought of him saying that shit to you or going anywhere fucking near you scared the hell out of me and pissed me the fuck off. I don’t want you to ever have to go through that if I can help it.”  
Adam reached out and grabbed Ronan’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “Hey, look at me Ronan.” He turned Ronan back to face him, cupping his jaw gently with his other hand. “ you don’t have to protect me. Especially not from Kavinsky. Trust me I have dealt with way worse than whatever he can dish out ok? “ Adam leant forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Ronan’s lips before pulling back. “Don’t disappear on me like that again. You scared us Lynch.” Ronan lunged forward, wrapping Adam in a hug and burying his face in Adam’s neck. Adam put his arms around him. They sat like that in the church until Noah came back in with Gansey, Blue, and Henry in tow. They piled on into a big group hug. Then Noah flicked Ronan in the ear. Ronan retaliated by elbowing him in the gut. It quickly turned into a play fight between the two until Cheng suggested they drive to the next town over. “They have a 24-hour diner and I don’t know about yall, but I am STARVING.” They all laughed and left the church. Adam grabbed Ronan’s hand and pulled him back behind the others for a moment.  
“Hey.”  
“hey”  
They stared at each other, Ronan leaned down and gently kissed Adam. When he pulled back Adam said, “ I don’t want to hide what we have. Ever. From anyone. We don’t have to broadcast it, but we don’t have to hide it either. And I’m not helpless Ronan, but…”Adam bit his lip and looked at Ronan coyly before saying, “ it’s kinda hot that you defended my honor or whatever.”  
Ronan grinned at him before lifting him up in a hug and spinning him around.  
“Ronan put me down! “ Adam laughed as Ronan swung him around once more before setting him down.  
Ronan sobered up for a moment before asking “we’re ok now right? I’m sorry about running off and for fighting. I promise I’ll try to be better about it. “  
“yes Ronan, we are ok. More than ok. “ Adam smiled. Hand in hand they walked out to join their friends. As they were about to get in the car Adam piped up.  
“you never did answer my question though. Where’s chainsaw?”  
Ronan looked stunned for a second before he smirked ,”You mother fucker. She’s at the Barns with Matthew.” Then he laughed and shook his head.  
They were going to be just fine, Adam thought to himself before he too got in the car.  
They spent the rest of the night with their friends, laughing and eating too much diner food.  
Adam knew that they would probably have worse fights in their relationship but for the first time, he wasn’t worried.


End file.
